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I could still hear myself as her wet sloppy kiss nearly dislodged my mustache. Tears were still running down my cheeks as I sat up in bed and tried to take stock of my situation.Maintaining an identityI’d been dreaming, obviously. I was still caught between that fully submerged state of subconscious synapse firings and objective awareness of my surroundings. The bed wasn’t mine but no one else was in it with me except Maizie.Maizie. I’d spent the night in Dag’s bed. I’d fallen asleep with my face buried in his pillow begging a man who wasn’t there for help in a problem he didn’t know existed. And people who I trusted were trying to arrest me. I felt my head and, for a moment, didn’t recognize myself.I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize myself behind the disguise. My makeup was a little smeared from the tears and sweat, but a little touch-up and it was soon put to rights. I took a sponge bath.I caught a full-length image of myself in the. My efforts to understand his trade business were considerably less effective. I could not keep my mind on the topic for idle dreaming of silk camisoles and satin dresses, corsetry and fine silk stockings.I also began the fiasco of visits to the families of girls who might become my wife. Many were very attractive, but I found myself more interested in their dresses and shoes, the way they wore their hair or had painted their eyes and lips. Most were unattractive, however, and were plump or plain. During these meets my mind simply wandered onto the topic of how much prettier Madeline was than the unfortunate creature being touted by her mother as a desirable bauble. I imagined how much happier her mother might be to have something like Madeline to offer!The girls, for their part, were no more impressed by me. I had little to offer as a match, either economically (I was not a direct heir but only stood to have a secure job in the family business) or physically, as I was still too slim.
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